June 8, 2010.
A day that changed my life forever…
Honestly I don’t even know where to start. I don’t think I can truly express how I feel; I just know it inside my heart. They say that pain fades with time, but in my opinion you just learn to cope & think about it less and less. Throughout our lives we come across hundreds of people, but how many actually leave a mark on our lives? Over the years who will you continue to think about? I’m lucky enough to have met someone who will always be special to me no matter where life takes me. When I’m lying in bed at night, or even letting my mind wander, Zach is the one person who I always think about. During those times I smile, laugh, cry, and even get angry. Regardless of any of those feelings I always feel grateful. Grateful that when I close my eyes I can see his face and even hear his voice call…
I remember the first day we met he was fresh out of boot camp and was on leave before he had to report to his assigned base. I had heard about him from his grandparents and they raved at how wonderful and handsome he was just like any grandparents will. I had seen his graduation picture and I remember telling me mom he wasn’t that good looking. It’s hilarious now that I think about it. Well regardless I made sure the day he came I looked cute! Even now I can still remember what I wore. As soon as he got here Popo made sure to bring him right over to introduce him. I was sitting on our porch swing with my mother and I was too shy to look so I had her doing my dirty work! Let me tell you that first glance was it. I knew some how some way I had to spend time with this guy. Thankfully it didn’t take long for that to happen.
Zach was such a cocky guy! He saw right through me when I first started talking to him. It was so funny I couldn’t stop smiling. I always smiled around him. That was a great thing about being with him. Even though we had a limited time to spend together it was as if we had all the time in the world together. Maybe because we never talked about when he would leave until the last night we had together. On those nights I had endless tears. It was like someone opened a flood gate and forgotten to close it. He was always so sweet about it; he’d just hold me and let me cry. Remembering moments like that always makes me cry. If the end of my driveway could talk…..we would literally stand there for an hour saying good bye, actually it was always see you later. He would always drive in for his visits so he would leave early in the morning. I always made sure to look out the window and watch him as he packed his car, said goodbye to his grandparents & left. I never once went to say goodbye to him again; how could I go through that again? I would literally just look through the window and watch him drive off. Even after we weren’t together anymore I would still watch him from the window. Just being able to catch a glimpse of him was enough for me; enough to put my heart at ease.
Zach was the worse when it came to keeping in touch. I hardly heard from him, but then again the Marine Corps kept him busy. When we were together he guarded Embassy’s around the world. I remember when we first started talking he always called. He once called me when I was hanging out with his grandparent’s and I asked him if he wanted to talk to them and he actually said no! He said he would call them later. I felt so bad, because they knew I was talking to him. Fortunately they didn’t seem to mind, because they knew he was okay just busy with training. It was a common thing to hear Bobbie, his grandmother, complain about his lack of calling. Popo always understood because he had served in the Navy. For me I never got mad, I was too busy counting down to the days he would come back home. I bragged about Zach a lot. He was a great guy & an amazing Marine, how could I not? Looking back we were so innocent. Once we hid holding hands under a pillow when we were watching a movie with his parent’s and grandparents. I can’t help but smile when I think of that.
Everyone knew how special he was to me. He came to our Christmas gatherings and I always went to his family dinner’s. I was part of his family & he was apart of mine. If his grandparent’s could they probably would have married us right away. That was his grandmother’s dream. It was mine too. Like every girl I would picture in my mind this amazing life we would have together. There is only one problem with that, life has a mind of its own. 2 years, actually less because he was gone more than he was home, was what we had together. Those were an amazing 2 years, and even though life took us on different path’s it was always obvious to everyone that we still cared about each other. When he would come home on leave it was always a little awkward for us to be alone together & try to talk. We would sit there in silence stealing glances at each other; but could easily ask someone else how & what the other was doing. Innocent till the end. I always felt that we didn’t need to exchange words that the both of us would just know. Thinking back I really did have a lot I wanted to say… thank you, I love you.
I will never forget the morning when my Dad called to tell us the unthinkable. I remember sitting on the couch in my Grandmother’s living room visiting with my Uncle who was getting ready to leave back to New York. My mother was sitting next to me and when she got off the phone she had this look of shock on her face and stared at the phone, then she turned to me and told me Zach had died. I remember my eyes widened and I just looked straight ahead and then at my lap thinking if I heard her right. As I sat there I heard her break the news to my aunts who were also there at my Grandmother’s. As I heard what she was saying I looked up and the tears started falling. We immediately cut the visit short and came home. I called my best friend in California and cried for hours with her on the phone. & I waited. Waited to see how and why this had happened. Zach had been in Afghanistan for 20 day’s and had just had his 24th birthday. He was not the only causality, his fellow Marine & friend Derek Shanfield also died that day.
It was a surreal time in my life. I lived in denial for about a week. It truly hit me around 2 in the morning & my close friend came over and sat with me as I cried for hours. Through the tears I was able to share with him some of the moments I cherished. For example, Zach got a Nissan Protégé that was bright yellow. Like a banana! My mom used to make fun of him and tell him she needed a taxi. He would joke back and tell her his rates. What I remember most about that car was that we took a bunch of trips to Sonic in it… I wish I would have gotten pictures of that car, pictures of us in general. Zach’s death was reported in newspapers & on the news here in Texas and Florida. Zach was born in Saudi Arabia and lived all over the US. He spent all of high school in Florida & because of his grandparents considered Texas home. I will never doubt that his sacrifice wasn’t appreciated.
The day of his funereal the streets where lined with people holding their hands over their heart in tribute of Zach. There where even fire trucks at different points on the way to DFW National Cemetery. On the overpass a fire truck was parked with a huge American flag hanging over and the fireman on the side saluting. Since the procession was slow I was able to snap a picture of it.
To me that was really moving. Just seeing the people lined on the streets made me cry. I made sure to try to look at every single face even though I don’t remember them now. The entire highway was closed off for that long stretch on highway to the cemetery. It was one of the quietest drives I have ever been on; almost like time was at a stand still. It was really hot that day standing there listening to the other speech the Pastor gave at the cemetery. Zach was cremated so there was no burial; another thing that made his death so hard. That person who watched over me when I was sick, gave me medicine, and laid on the couch with me couldn’t be in that small box…The truth is yes it might be physically him, but it’s not his spirit or soul. That is something that is left living in my memories, in my heart. Zach has a piece of my heart that no one can have. His memory, his mark is still there.
